Distrito Paparacchi.

Michael, when will you ever let me live? When will you pull yourself together all on your own, get up, make a world you are excited to live in, to breathe in. Hello? Don't fall asleep again.. I'm reaching, I'm clapping, I'm dancing, but my eyelids are closing

Where earth and heaven kiss, and angels lose their way

I begin looking around and observing what everyone is wearing - jeans that are too long, sneaker brands I've never heard of. A brief realization begins - maybe life is okay to be lived "that way", in a way that your next paycheck doesn't need to lust after a y-3 bag. That you can live a perfectly happy life without certain things. They bob as a song they like begins to play. As I grab the pole further in the car, I notice the lady who has a seat - and a gucci coat - wearing an expression that somehow seems so unappealing.

There are so many things I'd like to tell you -

about how strange life turns out -

and about so many things you don't think you'll be able to handle -

that you do.

-The world's not merely what we see-

Great are your ways.

How wonderful it is [to know that] you would never, ever leave me.

I don't know, I don't know where
it came from, from winter or a river.
I don't know how or when,
no they were not voices, they were not
words, nor silence...

..there I was without a face
and it touched me.

I did not know what to say, my mouth
had no way
with names,
my eyes were blind,
and something started in my soul,
fever or forgotten wings,
and I made my own way,
deciphering
that fire,
and I wrote the first faint line,
faint, without substance, pure
nonsense,
pure wisdom
of someone who knows nothing,
and suddenly I saw
the heavens
unfastened
and open,
planets,
palpitating plantations,
shadow perforated,
riddled
with arrows, fire and flowers,
the winding night, the universe.

- Pablo Neruda

"Loving yourself simply means doing that. It does not mean becoming enamored with who you are. It does not mean worshiping or idolizing yourself to a masturbatory level of self-adulation.

Self-love is this: Patience. Kindness. Be gentle with yourself. Don’t hold yourself to ridiculous standards, and don’t reprimand yourself for not living or achieving how or what you think you “should” live or achieve. Loving yourself means taking your time, allowing your dreams to nurture themselves. It means planting a garden: starting with a few seeds tenderly nestled in the dirt and sprinkled with water, and being content to watch peacefully as the seeds grow, little by little, into your garden. Loving yourself means being brave. It means having the courage to live your truth, and bravery does not mean not being afraid. It’s okay to be afraid. Loving yourself means giving yourself permission to be afraid, and holding your own hand as you are, until you are comforted. Loving yourself means giving yourself time and space, to say “it’s okay I didn’t step forward today. I will take two steps forward tomorrow”. It means walking without a stick into the darkest forest, and letting that journey unfold as it will."

-An Epiphany on Love

Feel

"You make all things new. "

Tricky

Listen to myself.

Backspace. Rewrite.

Mindgame. no..yes? Easy dress to slip into - laced in pride, adorned by ego.

My mind, my heart goes, 'What do they need from me', 'what would I want them to say to me in this situation' furnishing me with words.

Again.
My intention? Mask on, mask off.

The hanger softly screeches as I advance it back and leave it there. Further back but still there. Is this good? I don't think so.

Soft smile.

In the mood for another outfit.

Most of the time I'm spending it wishing time would slow down.

I get home - fall onto the bed and glare down at the clock at the margin of the navigation bar. Then fingers/eyes proceed going through Ebay's deals of the day.

Glance again - 10:10 - dread creeps in - another evening at home, the evening I lusted over all day at work is disappearing again without any reason to remember it.

Longings whirlpool down the drain - grainy sediment settles around the tub edges - skin cells - dreaming/wishing they could go down too - avoiding work the next day