fill my heart with love.

om namah shivaya

"When I tried this morning, after an hour or so of unhappy thinking, to dip back into my meditation, I took a new idea with me: compassion. I asked my heart if it could please infuse my soul with a more generous perspective on my mind's workings. Instead of thinking that I was a failure, could I perhaps accept that I am only a human being - and a normal one, at that? The thoughts came up as usual - OK, so it will be - and then the attendant emotions rose, too, I began feeling frustrated and judgmental about myself, lonely and angry. But then a fierce response boiled up from somewhere in the deepest caverns of my heart, and I told myself, "I will not judge you for these thoughts."
My mind tried to protest, said, "Yeah, but you're such a failure, you're such a loser, you'll never amount to anything-"
But suddenly it was like a lion was roaring from within my chest, drowning all this claptrap out. A voice bellowed in me like nothing I had ever heard before. It was so internally, eternally loud that I actually clamped my hand over my mouth because I was afraid that if I opened my mouth and let this sound out, it would shake the foundations of buildings as far away as Detroit.
And this is what it roared:
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG MY LOVE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The chattering, negative thoughts in my mind scattered in the wind of this statement like birds and jackrabbits and antelopes - they have hightailed it out of there, terrified. Silence followed. An intense, vibrating awed silence. The lion in the giant savannah of my heart surveyed his newly quiet kingdom with satisfaction. He licked his great chops once, closed his yellow eyes and went back to sleep.
And then, in that regal silence, finally - I began to meditate on (and with) God.

Om namah shivaya - I honor the divinity that resides within me. 

res. no. 2



"We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love. 'I love you. I care about you, and I choose to forgive you.'"

Eat



Actually Miguel, this month I've fallen into books -
Books can save you, can't they?

------
" I look at the Augusteum, and think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough - but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation. "

SAN DIEGO

Inspiration Book 33

Christian Lacriox

L'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle..

2

You reach deep, deep inside yourself
to find a love that could illuminate the whole world

Funeral

What do you do when the most extraordinary being on earth [ to you ] does the unspeakable.

What do you do when they are too far gone.


 [ Stare at them and keep helplessly loving them ? ]

True




Over the last few weeks, my innermost prayer has been for me to become my true self - to be the self I was meant to be.

I think we all have an idea of that self - the basics - happy, full-filled, financially grounded. 
But I think there are things we don't know about our potentially full self, because our human mind kinda is limited and so bogged down by reality. But what is reality? We can shape our reality. 

Maybe there are talents I haven't discovered yet. Huge talents. Please uncover those with me. 
Maybe there are ways of thinking - about social interactions, about love, about money, about technology - that are new, fresh, kind, exciting, and beneficial to others. I want to know those. 
Maybe there is an emotional capacity I have that I haven't yet tapped into. Show those crevices to me and help me not be afraid to use them. 

Maybe I have a respect for myself, my heart, my mind, and my body, beyond my comprehension. 

Maybe that kind of respect overflows and is good for other people. I want to be for a lot of other people. This is what I'm learning I'm drawn to. 

So many people are hurting - I want them to be un-hurt. Restored. 

I want my soul to be on fire - live like I'm on fire. Take me like a sacrifice. This will/is my prayer. 

Insta Instant


It is hard for me to assess the toxic qualities of instagram. Totally unrelated to any narcism or millennial angst - the quotes. Sure the quotes can be and are inspirational, but sometimes I find them misleading and altering how I see things. Do we see one and say, "oh, I relate to that, I should feel this way too" and see another one that sees it from a different direction and suggests a different way of feeling, so you feel "I relate to that too, I should think that way too". I certainly think there's so much inspiration and good feeling motivation out there. But I think it can be tricky when I'm so easily influenced by what I see, esp. since it seems so innocent. I'm trying to practice "liking" and then stepping back to acknowledge that my life and my experiences are unique and it doesn't have to or shouldn't have to turn out as it does in the quote. And as for instagram I should continue to feed myself "positive" images and take everything with a grain of salt. Wild thoughts.

Super Protein




49 Grams of Protein packed in an easy post workout / lunch time / anytime smoothie For this smoothie, you will need: Milk, I am using almond - 1 g protein 1 scoop of Protein Powder - 25.5 g I enjoy Grass Fed Whey Protein Isolate because it is the purest protein powder and maximizes the benefits w/o junky additives. www.labdoor.com can assist you in selecting a protein powder. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MAW6YU1/... 2 Tbsp Chia Seeds - 6 g protein 1 Tbsp Flax Seed Powder - 2 g protein I suggest Flax seed powder as optional because it can sometimes rock your stomach a little. The serving size is 3 Tbsp for a full 6g of protein. I find 1 Tbsp is my happy place. 1/4 cup of Cottage Cheese - 6.5 g protein 2 Tbsp of Peanut or Almond Butter - 7 g protein 1/4 - 1/2 Tsp Cinnamon watch this video for more about cinnamon and burning body fat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGYjM... 1 Banana - approx 1 g protein Of course, feel free to adjust quantities to your liking. Thank you for you for your support through watching. Please comment, like, and subscribe - if you are so moved :) xx Michael

TURMERIC RESCUE FACE MASK



The anti-inflammatory qualities of turmeric will help reduce acne, scarring, and even delay aging The greek yogurt's lactic acid will help dissolve dead skin cells and tighten pores. Leave on for approximately 30 minutes - or until hardened You skin will feel incredibly tighter and noticeably brighter. Enjoy - and be WELL :)

Surf's Up



First Time in Los Angeles!



First time in LA with amazing friends. Touring...aggressively. Thank you for coming along the ride with us ;)

#calivibes #travel

Gratitude

I still think there are angels out there everywhere - looking out for me - and looking out for my friends.

My dear, dear friends, new and old, are whom I am most grateful for. For lifting my spirits and piecing me back together. And showing me how fun life is. How bright life is.

Grateful for - wonderful, empowering music like...haha beyonce, ariana grande, lololol and of course the vicar of dibley opening theme. Thank you music, for giving me a sense of comfort and strength.

My parents for being incredibly supportive, I've never talked to them this much on the phone before haha.

Books, lots of books, have become my breakfast and dinner. Slowly seeping wisdom and clarity in.

I'm very, very fortunate.

And I wish much strength, patience, and wisdom in the coming days ahead.

Be still. Feel. Grow. Be good to you for a change. No more bad stuff.

Distrito Paparacchi - Summer Streets



It's been a long lasting love / hate relationship with the city I call home. Maybe I even romanticize the idea of putting all my things in boxes and vagabonding to my next destination. I think to myself, maybe some where with cleaner air next, or some where you aren't squished like a sardine on the morning commute. But the more and more I mature, the more I get this stirring sensation of needing to define and find the term "home". Should it be defined solely by the people I spend my time around, the building I live in, the city that that building is in? Is there ever a perfect situation in which all of these elements perfectly commune with one another. I don't know, but I am definitely trying to find out.

I was talking to a friend with a similar wanderlust as I. With recent excursions to Montreal, and Costa Rica, and Puerto Rico - I could feel a distinct longing in my heart taking the recollections in. What's amazing is they totally understand the itch to leave the city we are in now for somewhere else. "All the time." But to them, what's amazing about New York, is you begin to miss it - and that's how you know. And I did miss it. When I was walking along the beach in San Diego and up the hills of San Francisco, I distinctly felt so far away from home - the building, the city, and the people I love. Beautiful, without a doubt, but home, well...no. Traveling definitely was healing. I've gained inches more of clarity of what I want out of life, the people I want there, and all the new experiences I must take on the duty of opening my soul to.

So - this summer - I decided to take the act of falling in love with New York City into my own hands. Just like any healthy relationship it takes work, cultivation, and will power. So cultivate I did - riding down water slides off Wall Street, ziplining through midtown, bicycling down Park Ave and through central park, going to Broadway shows, visiting free outdoor fairs, saying yes to hanging out with new people, and getting a taste for New York City hospitality. And I hope all these actions, good in and of themselves, hopes open my heart to the universe. Tells her how ready I am for everything coming my way. And shares a gratitude that I am so, so overdue to give.

I love you New York, home now, and however long, but let's be real - you'll be home forever.
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